One Liner Quotes

If you've got anything to say here, then post it.

Okay, I've got to be egotistical and start with quotes that I often use.

Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons. --The Simpsons, JonC

Sha, and monkeys MIGHT fly out of my butt! --Wayne's World, JonC

Ah yes... a Jedi's weapon... --Return of the Jedi, JonC

Fire at will commander... I guess Will is dead. --Return of the Jedi... JonC

Impressive... most impressive --The Empire Strikes Back, JonC

Oh really? Is that what you think? Well, if that is what you think, I have something to tell you which may shock and discredit you. And that thing is... I am not wearing a tie at all. --The Simpsons, JonC

Life sucks --Ed H.

I want to go home --Ed H.

Meow. --Haley

Don't any of you DARE quote me on this but... Haley is right. --Brain, Sorry Brain, but you gotta admit, you were totally asking for it.

High School Dropout and Proud. --EEP T-Shirt
Posted by: JonC

Will Study for Food. --EEP T-Shirt
Posted by: JonC

Quit calling me Doogie %$*@^! Howser --EEP T-Shirt
Posted by: JonC

What if, what if? Yeah, well what if a cow flies over and poops on your lips? --OG Middle School's PE teacher, JonC
Posted by: JonC

That went as well as could be expected --Wallace, of Wallace and Gromit
Posted by: Brain

Luther...I am the Holy Father...Join me...Together we can rule the Church as Holy Father and Son... --Pope Vader, said to Luther Skywalker
Posted by: Brain

When the complexity of a conspiracy exceeds the point beyond which justice can hold it accountable in the system then a state of free clan destine reign is acheived indefinitely --Brain's Uncle
Posted by: Brain

I'll kill you, I'll kill all of you, especially those of you in the jury! --Simpsons, JonC
Posted by: JonC

Damn you, damn you all to hell! --Planet of the Apes, Simpsons, JonC
Posted by: JonC

Ah, whatta gip, mine didn't come with any barf in it. --Animaniacs, JonC
Posted by: JonC

"You're already dead" --Fist of The North Star
Posted by: Gene Yo

I am a very gay person --JonC
Posted by: JonC

I love other guys --JonC
Posted by: JonC

I love boys --JonC
Posted by: JonC

I am a nerd that skipped high school and am proud of being smarter that all of you people. --JonC
Posted by: JonC

When's lunch? --Brain and/or Steve and/or James.
Posted by: Walker

"Just because I'm a genius doesn't mean that I'm not great in bed. In fact, my IQ isn't the biggest thing about me!" --Tony, during a drunken stupor
Posted by: Tina, wiping up vomit

"Uhhhh.....What's deodorant?" --Alex Ko while stinking up the room
Posted by: Tony Nguyen

Ways of gaining the audiences attention: Nudity --Brain (excerpted from Speech Study Guide)
Posted on Sep 3, 1997, 02:29 by: EEPster

Informative purposes: to gain money, status or sex --Brain (Speech Study Guide
Posted on Sep 3, 1997, 02:44 by: EEPster

"Smart Kids, Big Johnsons" --Chris Chien, rejected EEP T-shirt idea
Posted on Sep 3, 1997, 21:55 by: Sandwich

"We're not smart, you're just stupid." --Tony Nguyen, rejected EEP t-shirt idea
Posted on Sep 4, 1997, 22:03 by: Tony Nguyen

"Hello!!!! We are Tony's mipples!!!" --Tony acting stupid in a high-pitched voice
Posted on Sep 4, 1997, 22:06 by: Tina, just plain disgusted at this point

Take off your pants --Gene to Phong, both of whom are guys... quote taken extremely out of context
Posted on Sep 4, 1997, 23:39 by: JonC

"are you lookin at my bum?! bum-looker, cheeky-monkey!" --Simon who likes to do drawings of course.
Posted on Sep 9, 1997, 22:29 by: Ivy, anti-christ of Paulytheism (but also inexplicably catholic (nun?) baptized by brain

"Ya Know What? I'm NUTS!!!" --Tina to Rich as she sat wearing Leland's hat
Posted on Sep 11, 1997, 21:13 by: Tina " i mean i have nothing better to do"

I am the master seaman! --Andrew (as captian of the "Gilded vessel, TOTALLY out of character)
Posted on Sep 13, 1997, 06:42 by: 8-P

Alvin is a whole man while CrisB is 1/8th and Brain is 1/4. --Summary of the ravings of our favorite kitty, at which point she asked Brain to marry her...don't ask me!
Posted on Sep 13, 1997, 06:43 by: 8-P

" In dealings with Rich... you're fucked!" --Tina to anyone on any occasion
Posted on Sep 15, 1997, 21:44 by: A Good Listener

"The weird thing about Rich is that when he's paying you, he actually expects you to do something." --Tony while trying to avoid responsiblity
Posted on Sep 15, 1997, 21:41 by: Tony

Waaaaaaaahhhh --me
Posted on Sep 16, 1997, 22:56 by: Z

"I don't care what you think, but you eepsters... I love you all!! All of you, i want you to take me home with you and love me forever." --Me
Posted on Sep 21, 1997, 01:23 by: Tina, please love me, no one else does

*eyebrow* Indeed. --Given to you when your actions are.....questionable.
Posted on Sep 22, 1997, 01:16 by: Davey, the MrOAE

You think I have a God complex? I am God. --Ed Hsieh (God), I think it's also from some movie.
Posted on Sep 23, 1997, 01:01 by: Ed Hsieh, who else?

"Trying to have fun with a quiet person is like trying to jumpstart a rock!" --Tony while having a moment of frustration
Posted on Sep 24, 1997, 02:43 by: Tony Nguyen

Yum Yum Chilli Yum Yum Chilli illi Yum Yum --An old commercial
Posted on Sep 27, 1997, 12:34 by: Ed Hsieh

"Little babies have little baby feet that are sooooo funny!!" --Tina, on a daily basis (If you don't get it, you obviously haven't lived with her)
Posted on Sep 28, 1997, 02:04 by: Tina (Just trying to spread the joy!)

"I am a woman!" --James
Posted on Oct 2, 1997, 01:38 by: James, hehehe

Disneyland is a Fascist state! --Haley; It came from a friend but i love it.
Posted on Oct 4, 1997, 00:58 by: Meowcomet

"The Only People Who Think We're Jerks Are Those That Can't Fight Back." --"Nguyen Family Motto"
Posted on Oct 5, 1997, 01:26 by: The Eldest Son

"It doesn't matter who does the work, but who gets the credit" --"Nguyen Family Motto"
Posted on Oct 5, 1997, 01:28 by: The Eldest Son

"It's better to be a living coward than to be a dead hero." --"Nguyen Family Motto"
Posted on Oct 5, 1997, 01:49 by: The father and clan leader

"The greatest and most unforgiving crime is disloyalty to one's blood." --"Nguyen Family Motto"
Posted on Oct 5, 1997, 01:31 by: The father and clan leader

Ooo, caffeine! --Betty in the process of getting TOO happy from a cappucino blast.
Posted on Oct 6, 1997, 20:57 by: Betty, Caffeine Lover, MoAE

The good thing about spending time with Brain is that he is so subtle --Joe at dinner tonight...I don't want to know the story behind this comment
Posted on Oct 9, 1997, 01:04 by: Guess! (As if that will be difficult)

"Ouch..." --Generalissimo Lister, after running full speed into a tree
Posted on Oct 11, 1997, 03:29 by: Anonymous

"Hey, the tree and I called it a draw!!" --Generalissimo Lister, on the possible defeat by a tree
Posted on Oct 11, 1997, 03:50 by: Anonymous

"Love is..... a cheap word used by charming guys to con innocent girls into sleeping with them" --The Female Avenger
Posted on Oct 11, 1997, 21:34 by: Salvation for All Women from EVIL MALE SLIME!!!

"Yeah...don't pretend like you don't like it...I know you want me." --From the Original Male Slimeball to the Female Avenger
Posted on Oct 12, 1997, 16:02 by: Mr. Slimeball representing men everywhere

"I believe I have the dubious recognition of being the laziest person ever to graduate through the Early Entrance Program." --Jacob Lister, graduate
Posted on Oct 13, 1997, 01:03 by: Anonymous

"What do you do when someone won't respond to your e-mails? Even when you continuously ask them to, and they continuously say that they will?" --An Angry EEPster
Posted on Oct 14, 1997, 01:34 by: Just a person that was there

"DUMP THE BASTARD!!!!!" --A solution for every problem
Posted on Oct 14, 1997, 01:54 by: The solution person

My good twin is out there somewhere, probably ruining my reputation. I'm surprised none of you have seen him. --Jacob Lister, warning people about deception by a "Good Jacob Lister"
Posted on Oct 16, 1997, 02:30 by: Anonymous

"Oh Cub-Cub, you're sooo special!!" (but i've always thought that) --Duh!!!
Posted on Oct 25, 1997, 22:44 by: Guess Silly-Billy-Goo-Goo

What's a c!nt? --Betty, interrupting a completely normal conversation.
Edited for content by JonC due to complaints

Posted on Oct 31, 1997, 12:42 by: -= { Z } =-

" Ya know what Z? There's no need for that kinda trash on this page. This is a nice, clean place, and there is abso-fucking-lutly no need for that dirty talk!" --Tina (of course)
Posted on Nov 1, 1997, 22:04 by: Catholic #2

"I'm an independent woman." --Suzanne
Posted on Nov 7, 1997, 15:01 by: Suzanne "Wonder woman extrodinaire"

"Well I'm a dominant man...Let's get together babes." --Tony
Posted on Nov 8, 1997, 13:49 by: "The Last of The Great Neanderthals"

"I love cars." --???
Posted on Nov 8, 1997, 18:21 by: ???

one more thing: you GO suzanne. --women rule.
Posted on Nov 8, 1997, 23:19 by: me again

"I'm in Love, I'm in Love, I'm in Love, I'm in Love and she thinks I'm a wonderful Guy!!" --Tony- singing about another one of his many "bad-homed" Arts High girls
Posted on Nov 22, 1997, 01:49 by: Who the hell do you think?

"Silly customer, you cannot hurt the twinkie!" --Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. The Simpsons.
Posted on Nov 28, 1997, 21:18 by: V

"No,please stop Rich! Stop! I don't wanna do that! I don't wanna put that in there!! Help!! Help!!" --Anonymous Violated EEP Student
Posted on Nov 29, 1997, 02:03 by: Rich said don't tell

"Ed's the dominant one in our relationship." --Davy Alfon, MrOAE, on his relationship with Ed Hsieh
Posted on Dec 1, 1997, 00:03 by: An eyewitness

"That's why we all love Davy," --Haley, at a later moment that night
Posted on Dec 1, 1997, 00:07 by: An eyewitness

"Hey, stay away from my man!" --Ed Hsieh, following Haley's comment
Posted on Dec 1, 1997, 00:10 by: An eyewitness

Damn!! That guy has a cute butt --JonC
Posted on Dec 23, 1997, 16:35 by: JonC

Whoops, I dropped the soap! --JonC
Posted on Dec 23, 1997, 16:35 by: JonC

never stand on your head while having rocks in your pockets. --red_night homepage
Posted on Dec 24, 1997, 14:20 by: red_night

"Brian, do you love me? ...can I come over tonight? ...I need my pants back! ... please Brian, I need my clothes." --Andrew on the telephone.
Posted on Dec 24, 1997, 22:36 by: Wouldn't you like to know.

Unless I'm wrong... which I never am... --The Princess Bride, JonC
Posted on Jan 5, 1998, 17:46 by: JonC

Am I right, or am I right? --JonC, incidentally, the proper response is "No, you're left."
Posted on Jan 5, 1998, 17:47 by: JonC

No, you're left. --The proper response
Posted on Jan 14, 1998, 01:13 by: Fill in the blank

Pizza is the staff of life. --Detective Jones - "Fallen"
Posted on Jan 18, 1998, 15:39 by: James

My fort kicks ass. --Daniel Green(?) in a subdued voice after just constructing a pillow fort on the EEP room couch.
Posted on Jun 7, 1998, 14:29 by: James!!!!!

JonC, I don't think the post command on your odd-longer-than-one-line quotes is working correctly. I made a post about how you should combine that page and this page, because nobody uses the long quotes page. And then I got off on a long tangent about that god-awful picture red night put up, and now I decided to put up my own picture, and it's off to the left. --Oops, I'm getting a little bit lengthy in my one-liners...
Posted on Jun 10, 1998, 02:54 by: Monsieur le Marquis de Lister

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. --Woody Allen, from My Speech To The Graduates...why couldn't we have gotten HIM for commencement?
Posted on Jul 24, 1998, 03:41 by: Adam, bored and cruising the web/reading EEPster profiles/looking for know, the usual.

Hey, JonC, nobody's posted here in quite a while, so I'm putting another pic up. Enjoy! Good luck on finals, everybody!
Remember: Lhasa Ehmo Consultants
We solve your problems... permanently. --Wouldn't you like to know...
Posted on Dec 8, 1998, 02:58 by: Lhasa Ehmo

"That pizza was GOOOOOOOOOD" --Daniel Greene, commenting to Tina on the quality of WPC testing pizza.
Posted on Dec 12, 1998, 16:51 by: Tinager

Giblets: righteous, substantial, and oh so smooth. --Jon Rheuben, resident psychopath
Posted on Jul 7, 1999, 01:54 by: Anonymous

I'm ashamed to be associated with any of you. --the token
Posted on Sep 22, 2000, 16:52 by: nikki

No, wait a minute. I take it back. Ashamed is just my natural state of being. --altair's 7-year fiancee
Posted on Sep 22, 2000, 16:56 by: nikki