Brought to us by the Stealth Geek Goddess, Shanna Swendson. She can be reached at Swendson@aol.com
Converted to HTML by Russell Stewart (diamond@rt66.com)
Disclaimer for the humor-impaired: this is intended as humor, but like any good humor, it is based upon nuggets of truth. Any generalizations are not meant to apply to all stealth geeks or geeks. There will be individual variations.
So, without further ado, here we go ...
Often the watershed in the transition from geek to stealth geek is the
purchase of contact lenses, but this is not always the case. A more stylish
pair of glasses may replace the sturdy, practical pair worn in the past.
Stealth geek appearance is highly individualized. The bottom line is that
no one should look at a stealth geek and declare, "What a geek!"
It could be better said that a stealth geek is a geek who has become aware
of his/her geekiness and has made an effort to change.
A geek is generally not aware that he or she is a geek. Geeks tend to think
they're the coolest things around. They can't distinguish in conversation
with the opposite sex between polite interest and desire, and tend to err on
the wrong side.
On the other hand, a stealth geek is aware of geek tendencies, and while not
wanting to change his or her self internally, makes an effort to learn to
deal with non-geeks. This may come about due to career necessity, when they
have to deal with non-geeks in a business environment. It also may simply
come about with maturity.
Again, the main test is that no one should think upon an initial encounter
with a stealth geek, "What a geek!" They may think that when Star Trek finds
its way into a conversation, but they don't think it because of general
behavioral characteristics.
Scully also is a bit of a stealth geek, but not geeky to Mulder's extreme.
Imagine her in school: very studious and serious, probably didn't pay much
attention to fashion, majored in physics before medical school.
Other stealth geek candidates: Duchovny has been granted honorary stealth
geek status by the Stealth Geek Goddess, based on his Letterman appearance
(probably was a brainy, shy kid who seems to have grown out of it). Harrison
Ford has admitted to being geeky as a kid, but we'd have to call him pretty
stealthy now. Troy Aikman, Dallas Cowboys quarterback, is said to spend much
of his free time surfing the Internet and e-mailing people using an alias,
and he doesn't like to be without his laptop. Kinda makes you wonder, huh?
Many stealth geeks are geeks who have matured. One theory (okay, so I made
it up, but I still think it's valid) states that when a person is in the
developing/growing stages, only one thing at a time can really grow well. In
the case of geeks, it's the brain growing at a rapid pace, which leaves
everything else behind. A geek who is chronologically 16 may be mentally 25,
emotionally 12 and physically (developmentally-wise) 14. The combination of
these diverse age factors results in the stereotypical geek awkwardness.
Stealth geekdom occurs at full maturity when everything catches up.
But there are Stealth Geeks who never go through the usual geeky phase. The
most common of these are the jock stealth geeks, who because of some athletic
ability manage to hide some of their geekiness. People only notice the star
quarterback; they forget that he's also a whiz in math class and not all that
social, even if he does get invited to all the parties.
It often happens that soon after the moment of awareness of geekiness, a
stealth geek will try to deny his or her internal geekiness and distance
him/herself from all things geeky. After the stealth part of it is mastered
and the geek has more confidence, he or she may then more fully embrace the
geekiness, knowing they'll never go back to being a real geek.
Or you may find stealth geeks in non-geek environments. Then it can be very
difficult to pick the stealth geeks from the non-geek crowd.
Clues to tell a stealth geek from a boring normal person: look at their
wrist. Geeks love gadgets, and a stealth geek's watch will probably be full
of features. It's probably digital, with a stopwatch and alarm, and possibly
a calculator, or else it's some high-tech sports watch. (remember all of
Mulder's watches)
Also look at the keychain. Most of the male stealth geeks I've known have
been former Eagle Scouts. Look for the Swiss Army knife loaded with
features. They also may have a number of keys, for no apparent reason, or
other keychain tools, like a tiny flashlight (I carry a small Swiss Army
knife, myself).
Another way to find a stealth geek in a non-geeky crowd is to pick out your
target (someone you hope, for whatever reason, is a stealth geek) and start a
conversation based on your favorite geek subjects. If he or she responds,
you may have a stealth geek. If they're not a geek, they'll look at you like
you're insane, and you can move on to someone else.
Another way to find out if you're in the middle of a group of stealth geeks
is to throw in a good incendiary line and watch to see if sparks fly. NOTE:
only try these if trained security personnel are nearby:
Male geeks (especially those of the non-stealth variety) think of the female
stealth geek as the ultimate catch. "Hey, a babe who can intelligently
discuss Star Trek! Cool!" Unfortunately, geeks are geeks and not stealth
geeks primarily because they have no social skills. They interpret
acknowledgement of their existence as passion and then become pests (see
Frohicke). Stealth geek females frequently become geek magnets.
But male stealth geeks often feel self conscious about their recent bout of
geekiness and go through a phase of trying to avoid anything geek-related.
Instead of trying for a female stealth geek, they set their sights on a
totally non-geek woman, who ultimately has little use for him (see Phoebe
Green).
Female stealth geeks find male stealth geeks absolutely adorable. They like
their lack of annoying male ego, they find the shyness appealing, and they
get really turned on by the glasses. Unfortunately, female stealth geeks
also are a bit self conscious and aren't able to really make a play to catch
the male stealth geek, who is usually completely oblivious to her interest.
It can go on like that indefinitely, both being very fond of the other but
neither doing anything about it (and I'm not going to touch that example with
a ten-foot pole).
I'm also very much a stealth geek, myself. You'd never pick me out in a
crowd as anything approaching a geek, but I've recently fully embraced my
internal geekiness and am less worried about my stealth factor (which had the
effect up upping my stealth factor another level. You're even more stealthy
when you're confident).
Stealth geekdom has been validated in print in the Dallas Morning News
(well, the reporter talked to me and used it in a story about something
else). My mother said she heard Sandra Bullock call herself a stealth geek
in an interview around the release of The Net, but I haven't validated that.
If it's true, then perhaps Sandra is a closet X-Phile who lurks or joins us
using an alias.
So, embrace your geekiness, discard your pocket protector and stand proud!
Join the few, the proud, the stealth geeks!
Brought to you by the Stealth Geek Appreciation Society. Don't ask to join.
We're even more secretive than the Ratboy Brigade.
Shanna1. What is a Stealth Geek?
Stealth Geekdom is a way of life that is difficult to sum up in so many
words, but simply put:
A Stealth Geek (SG) is a person who has many of the internal qualities of
geekiness yet who does not look or act like the stereotypical geek.
A more detailed definition:
A Stealth Geek is a person of above-average intelligence (often referred to
as "a brain") with a deep, almost passionate, devotion to some academic,
technological or scientific subject; an interest in science fiction and/or
fantasy books, television, movies or comics; a bit of a loner who doesn't
always fit in with the mainstream, but who has learned to blend in with the
"real world" through behavior and looks. In other words, although they're a
geek inside, no one will say, "What a geek!" about them based on an initial
encounter.
2. What does a Stealth Geek look like?
An SG looks pretty much like anyone else. It could be said that an SG is a
geek who has developed some fashion sense. Not that an SG will ever look
like something out of Vogue or GQ, but SGs have learned not to look too out
of it, either. Because they still lack supreme confidence in their fashion
know-how, they may not take risks, settling for the standard business suit or
simple jeans and shirt combination for casual wear. In short, they have come
to the realization that the 12-foot-long "Dr. Who" scarf worn with matching
orange socks is not quite as cool as they once thought.
3. How does a Stealth Geek behave?
It could be said that a Stealth Geek is a geek who has developed social
skills.
4. What are some examples of Stealth Geeks?
Our prime example of a stealth geek is Fox Mulder. In fact, that's how the
whole stealth geek thing got started, in trying to find a way to describe
him. He is a loner who doesn't fit in with the mainstream, he seems to have
an interest in science fiction, judging from the late-night movies he
watches, and he has a passionate interest in a sort of scientific-related
topic. But he doesn't come across as a geek until you know him well. He
dresses nicely, but unimaginatively (except sometimes for the ties), and in
casual wear resorts to safe choices like jeans and sweatshirts. He's a
little awkward socially, but has enough social skills to get by for business
purposes.
5. Is a Stealth Geek made or born?
This is a difficult question. Geeks are born with geek tendencies. These
may lie latent until the viewing of a Star Trek episode or the first
encounter with a computer. But some people are born stealth geeks, while
most stealth geeks are geeks who have attained stealth status.
6. If a stealth geek is so stealthy, how do I find one?
For starters, look in any place you tend to find geeks: computer stores,
science fiction conventions, bookstores, etc. Look for the people who on
first glance don't fit in because they look too "normal" but who seem to be
pretty knowledgable about the subject matter.
Suggested conversational openers:
You get the idea.
7. Mating habits of the Stealth Geek.
The ideal combination would be male stealth geek with female stealth geek,
but that's not always what seems to happen, which is why so many stealth
geeks don't have much of a social life.
8. Who is the Stealth Geek Goddess?
Yours truly! I coined the term Stealth Geek in an a.t.x-f. post about
Mulder's interests and it really caught on. Apparently there are a number of
stealth geeks in this group who were excited to finally have a term they
could use to describe themselves (I'm saying apparently because, having seen
almost none of you, I can't say how stealthy any of you really are). As
coiner of the term, I soon promoted myself to Goddess, and no one argued, so
it stuck.
The Stealth Geek Goddess